Understanding PDA Pathological Demand Avoidance

What is Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)?

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a relatively newly discovered profile of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), where the person has a higher than normal avoidance of everyday demands. The PDA Society in the UK has great resources available for those wanting to learn the full scope of PDA.

A growing number of PDA individuals and parents to PDA kids are starting to use the abbreviation as “Pervasive Drive for Autonomy”, because the chore of PDA seems to be just that – an intense need to be “in the flow” without disruptions, and follow a natural transcendence of activities at all times. When this flow is disrupted, we get a sense of losing control, thus developing anxiety and demand avoidance as a result.

Why are PDA's Demand Avoidant?

When someone look at a PDA person and trying to figure them out, the number one thing that might come to their mind might be “oh they seem rather avoidant of demands”. They might see the child as extra difficult, label them with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) or simply try to make them conform to rules in an extra authoritative way. They will quickly learn that no matter what they do, this child will not by any means do as they are told. Because this person will become extremely demand avoidant.

But why are these kids so defiant? Is there any way to make us do what you want to do just because you say so? Is PDA a healthy sign of a spiritual being showing you that authoritative ways are not the ways of the world, and that perhaps that if you stop being busy trying to control us, we can show you a different way to lead the world?

PDA Pathological Demand Avoidance1

"But you don't look autistic?"

Individuals with PDA often go mis/undiagnosed because they do not appear “traditionally autistic”, appear more socially adapted, and often have special interests in and around human behaviours, copying the mannerisms of one or more individuals to create one or multiple profiles, or “costumes” to play the game of society. They are often controlling and demanding, holding many of the traditional communication and social deficiencies for an autistic individual, though in a more charismatic and/or avoidant way.

PDA looks different than other profiles of Autism such as Asperger’s syndrome due to our high ability to adapt and blend in with neurotypicals.

Autistic folks often finds the society in which we live a very complex, confusing and overwhelming place. Neurotypical people and their behaviors are very difficult to understand. There seem to be a lot of things they attach to that makes little sense to autistics.

PDA Pathological Demand Avoidance

How does it feel like living with PDA?

Autistics overall have a higher demand for autonomy, and can get drawn into something they find interesting and spend a significant amount of time researching and learning about it. Many call this a “special interest”, but we simply just have an intense feeling of need to explore and find the answers to the construct of the world we live in.

PDA people often have special interests that are based in understanding and adapting to behaviors. Perhaps it comes from a place where we early discover how different we are to the public, and trying everything we can to understand and copy. We often become extremely good at masking, to the point we learn to mirror the people we surround ourselves with and can easily fit in as “neurotypical”. But on the inside, we are constantly aware of being different, and always judging and scanning our environment to make sense of it.

PDA is not easy - The hidden mental disability

Some PDA people might not conform or manage to fit in. Depending on their capacity or strive to mask, they might find a different path, such as creating “alters”, characters or animals they can play when dealing with various groups, or they might find fitting in so demanding that they simply avoid people all together, or develop severe social anxiety and Selective Mutism (SM).

Sadly, many PDA’ers turn to substance or alcohol abuse or develop other unhealthy forms of escapism from this world.

Are some of the biggest creators in this world actually PDA?

It might be a bold statement, but I believe that many of the biggest entrepreneurs, artists, musicians, scientists and other creators are in fact PDA’ers. If we can’t make sense of the world, we can create our own world, of which we are the rule makers. Authors and film makers can dive deep into a fantasy world of their own, musicians and artists can express their view of the world in a multitude of creative ways, and entrepreneurs and scientists can innovate and shape an environment where their ideas become ideology.

Is the nature behind PDA actually an intense drive to create change in the world we live in? Is it thanks to people like us that we live in this modern world? Did we do ourselves an unfavor to innovate and create things that neurotypicals would never have imagined, and together we have created such a complex world that even neurotypicals struggle to navigate?

Read more about Neurodiversity

PDA

Pervasive Drive for Autonomy

ADHD

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

ASD

Autism Spectrum Disorder

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