Sara had been married to Mark for six years when she reached her breaking point.

“He never listened to me. He would talk over me, dismiss my feelings, and lash out when I tried to address issues. It was like everything was always about him. And when he drank, he became unbearable—blaming me for everything wrong in his life. I started researching narcissistic abuse, and it seemed to fit perfectly.”

Determined to find a way forward, Sara decided to work with an ADHD coach—not for Mark, but for herself. She wanted to understand how to set better boundaries and communicate more effectively.

During one of her sessions, the coach asked:
“Does Mark ever seem genuinely confused when you tell him he’s not listening? Does he forget things he swore he wouldn’t? Does he get overwhelmed easily?”

“Yes!” Sara answered, frustrated.

The coach explained how ADHD can look like narcissistic traits, but at its core, it’s about difficulties with impulse control, attention regulation, and emotional dysregulation. Instead of deliberately ignoring her, Mark was likely struggling to process multiple inputs at once. Instead of being manipulative, his defensiveness might stem from Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)—a common ADHD trait where even mild criticism feels devastating. And his drinking? A way to self-medicate his dopamine deficiency.

“I realized I had been interpreting his struggles as a lack of care, when in reality, he was overwhelmed and didn’t have the tools to manage it,” Sara reflected.

With her coach’s guidance, Sara started making small adjustments:
✔ Instead of arguing in the moment, she wrote things down for Mark to process later.
✔ She stopped taking his emotional outbursts personally, recognizing them as impulse-driven reactions, not calculated attacks.
✔ She learned to phrase things in ways that worked for his ADHD brain, such as giving one clear instruction at a time instead of open-ended choices.

She also learned how to set firm but supportive boundaries, saying things like:
“I’m happy to talk when we’re both calm, but I won’t engage when voices are raised.”

Over time, Mark began responding differently. When he wasn’t immediately put on the defensive, he was able to hear her better. And with a structured approach, he started recognizing his own patterns.

Sara’s work with an ADHD coach didn’t “fix” Mark—but it changed how she navigated the relationship, reducing conflict and helping both of them move toward healthier communication.